if you like me you must not know who I am
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
