yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize