kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
