Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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