The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I said "one day" and that day is not today
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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