I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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