So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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