I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
