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Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
