# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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