Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
