You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Rumble strips road head = magical
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
