Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize