Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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