I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
