roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
false alarm, still single
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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