Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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