I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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