We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
