We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize