she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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