Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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