Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
