Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
