I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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