I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
