That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
