I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize