there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The Olympian is in my bed
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
