I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
