ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
