I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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