well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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