The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
