I faked an abortion last night.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
