So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
