You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
