they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I don't deserve a penis
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
