If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Hippo gnu deer
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
