I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
