I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
