do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
