You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
