I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
