he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
