I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
The ass gains better be worth it
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