what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize