I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
