the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize