throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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