He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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