Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
