In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize