Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
