when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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