What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
