Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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