I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
