I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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