I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
