You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
