Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
