U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize