I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
