You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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